Erotomania (De Clerambault’s syndrome)
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For someone with erotomania, the certainty that a particular person loves them can feel completely real, and every look, post or silence can seem to carry a message. For family, friends and the person on the receiving end, it can be confusing and worrying to know what to do.
What it is
Erotomania, also known as De Clerambault’s syndrome after the French psychiatrist who described it in 1921, is a rare condition in which someone holds a fixed, false belief that another person is in love with them. The other person is often someone of higher status, such as a celebrity, a boss or a professional, and may have had little or no contact with them. In the main American diagnostic manual (DSM-5) it is classed as a type of delusional disorder, called the erotomanic type. A delusion is a firm belief that stays in place even when there is clear evidence against it, so rejection or silence is often explained away as a secret sign of love.
Erotomania is thought to be uncommon, and nobody knows exactly how many people it affects, partly because it may be missed or recorded under other conditions. It can happen at any age and in any culture, and it has traditionally been described more often in women, although it may be under-recognised in men. Sometimes it appears on its own, and sometimes it is part of another condition such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression or a physical problem affecting the brain. Because people with erotomania usually do not see the belief as mistaken, there is no self-test on this page; an assessment by a GP or mental health team is the right starting point.
How it differs from a phobia
A phobia is a fear that makes you want to avoid something, and most people with a phobia know their fear is bigger than the real danger. Erotomania is not a fear at all. It is a fixed belief that someone loves you, which draws the person towards the other person rather than away. Unlike with a phobia, people with erotomania usually feel sure they are right, which is why it needs a professional assessment rather than self-help.
Read more about manias and phobias
Common signs
- A firm belief that a particular person is secretly in love with them
- The other person is often of higher status, such as a celebrity or boss
- Believing the other person made the first move
- Reading hidden messages into ordinary looks, posts or events
- Explaining away rejection as a test or a secret sign
- Repeated letters, calls, messages or gifts that are not wanted
- Turning up where the other person lives or works
- Becoming hurt or upset when others question the belief
When it tends to show up
- Seeing the person on TV, online or in the news
- A glance, gesture or post that seems like a message
- Getting no reply, which may be read as a hidden sign
- Being told clearly that the feelings are not returned
- Times of stress, loneliness or upheaval
- Poor sleep or a period of very low or very high mood
Symptoms
In your body
- Poor sleep when the belief is on their mind
- Restlessness or agitation
- Tension when contact is blocked or ignored
- Tiredness from time spent thinking about the person
In your mind
- Certainty that the love is real and returned
- Constant thoughts about the other person
- Hope that can turn to frustration or resentment if ignored
- Feeling misunderstood when others disagree
- Loneliness or low mood
What you might do
- Trying again and again to make contact
- Following the other person’s life online or in person
- Sending letters, gifts or messages
- Carrying on with contact after being asked to stop
- Keeping the belief private, or talking about it a great deal
What causes it
The causes of erotomania are not well understood, and researchers have put forward many different theories without settling on one. In some people it is the only unusual belief they have, and it can start quite suddenly and last a long time. In others it develops more gradually as part of another condition, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression or a physical illness affecting the brain, and the person the belief is about may change over time. Because it is rare and often goes unnoticed for years, there is limited research to draw on. It is not something a person chooses, and it is not a sign of bad character.
How it can affect your life
Away from the belief itself, many people with erotomania carry on with work and daily life, but the belief can cause loneliness, conflict at home and problems at work. Repeated attempts to contact the other person can lead to complaints, police involvement and legal trouble, for example over harassment or stalking. Some people move from hope to frustration or resentment when their feelings are not returned. For the person on the receiving end, unwanted contact can be frightening and disruptive, and they deserve support too.
Treatment
Erotomania needs a proper assessment by a GP and usually a mental health team, who will also check for any other condition that may be behind it. Treatment is led by mental health professionals and often focuses on building a trusting relationship, managing any risks and gently shifting attention towards other parts of life. A doctor may discuss medication, and support for the family and practical help with work, housing or daily life can also make a difference. Treatment can be challenging and may take time, especially as the person may not feel anything is wrong. Hypnotherapy is not a suitable treatment for delusional conditions, including erotomania.
Things that can help day to day
- If you are a relative, stay calm and avoid arguing about the belief
- Focus on how the person is feeling and sleeping, not on proving them wrong
- Encourage a GP appointment and offer to go with them
- Keep a simple note of worrying changes to share with the GP
- Look after your own wellbeing and get support for yourself
When to get help
If you or someone close to you may have erotomania, the first step is a GP, who can arrange an assessment with a mental health team. If someone seems at risk of harming themselves or anyone else, call 999 or go to A and E; for urgent mental health advice, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. If you are on the receiving end of unwanted attention, you can report it to the police on 101, or 999 if you are in danger. The National Stalking Helpline, run by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, offers free advice on 0808 802 0300.
Common questions
Is there a test for erotomania?
There is no self-test on this page, because people with erotomania usually feel certain the belief is true, so a questionnaire would not give a useful answer. A GP or mental health professional can carry out a proper assessment and look at the whole picture.
Is erotomania the same as having a crush?
No. A crush is a strong attraction, and the person usually knows the feelings may not be returned. In erotomania, the person firmly believes the other person loves them, even when there is clear evidence that they do not.
Can hypnotherapy help with erotomania?
No. Hypnotherapy is not a suitable treatment for delusional conditions such as erotomania. The right help comes from a GP and a mental health team.
What should I do if someone believes I am in love with them?
Try not to engage with the contact, keep a record of messages, calls and visits, and tell someone you trust. You can report it to the police on 101, or 999 if you feel in danger, and the National Stalking Helpline on 0808 802 0300 can give you free, confidential advice.
Further reading: PMC: De Clerambault’s syndrome revisited, a case report of erotomania in a male · MSD Manual Professional: Delusional disorder · European Psychiatry: Erotomania, a review of De Clerambault’s syndrome · NHS: Psychosis · Suzy Lamplugh Trust: National Stalking Helpline