Fear of authority figures
A fear of authority figures can leave you feeling like a child in trouble whenever a boss, a police officer or anyone in charge wants a word, with your mind going blank and your voice going small.
Many people find that with the right help, they can speak to people in charge calmly and clearly, as one adult to another.
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Understanding this fear
Most people feel a flicker of nerves when the boss calls them in or a police car pulls up behind them. With a fear of authority figures, the feeling is much stronger and it shows up even when you have done nothing wrong. You may feel small, guilty or about to be told off, find it hard to speak up, or freeze when you need to explain yourself.
There is no widely used medical name for it. It is closely linked to social anxiety, a fear of being judged, a fear of conflict and confrontation and a fear of punishment. For many people it goes back to how authority felt when they were young.
Common triggers
- Being called into a meeting without warning
- Performance reviews and appraisals
- Police officers, security staff or border control
- Teachers, lecturers and examiners
- Doctors and other professionals who seem stern
- Official letters and phone calls
- Being questioned or asked to explain
- Raised voices or a cold tone
Where it shows up
- Work meetings and one to ones
- Interviews and appraisals
- Roadside checks and airports
- School and university
- Doctors’ and dentists’ surgeries
- Banks, councils and government offices
- Courts, tribunals and official hearings
Symptoms
In your body
- Racing or pounding heart
- Blushing or feeling hot
- Dry mouth or a shaky voice
- Mind going blank
- Tight chest or stomach
In your mind
- What have I done wrong?
- Replaying the conversation for days
- Feeling small, guilty or like a child
- Picturing being told off or punished
- Worrying you will say the wrong thing
What you might do
- Avoiding managers or officials
- Agreeing just to end the conversation
- Not asking for a pay rise, help or time off
- Over-preparing or over-apologising
- Turning down promotions or new roles
What causes it
Strict or frightening adults in childhood, being told off a lot, bullying by someone in charge, or a bad experience with a boss, teacher or the police can be enough to start it. Some people learn to stay quiet and keep their heads down to stay safe. Once the fear is there, avoiding people in charge brings quick relief, which teaches your mind that authority really was dangerous, so the fear grows.
How it can affect your life
A fear of authority figures can quietly hold back your career and your confidence. People miss out on pay rises and promotions, put up with unfair treatment, struggle in appraisals and interviews, and dread everyday things like official letters or passport control. It can leave you feeling less grown up than you know you are.
Things that can help day to day
- Before a meeting, write down the two or three points you want to make
- Breathe out slowly, a little longer than you breathe in, before you walk in
- Remind yourself that you are an adult talking to another adult, doing their job
- Ask what the meeting is about rather than guessing the worst
- Practise small requests with people in charge, then build up at your own pace
When to get help
It is worth getting help if you are avoiding people in charge, missing out at work, or the fear is spreading into other parts of your life. If you are feeling low or anxious most of the time, your GP is a good first port of call.
If someone in authority is actually treating you unfairly, bullying you or putting you at risk, that is not a phobia. Talk to someone you trust, your HR team, your union or Acas for advice at work.
How I can help
If you’ve tried to talk yourself out of this fear and it hasn’t worked, that isn’t a lack of willpower. A phobia is an alarm your mind learned, and logic alone rarely switches it off.
When I work with a fear of authority figures, I first find out what the fear is really about for you, whether that is being told off, being judged, getting it wrong or an old memory of someone in charge. Using hypnotherapy and NLP over Zoom, I help your mind let go of the old alarm, so you can speak to people in charge calmly and clearly. We rehearse the conversations that matter to you in your mind, steadily and in detail, until they feel ordinary. You get a recording of the hypnosis to listen to before a meeting.
I’ve spent 17 years in clinical practice and helped more than 1,000 people with phobias. I hold a Postgraduate Certificate and a Postgraduate Diploma in Clinical Hypnotherapy, both with Distinction.
If you’re feeling low or on edge most of the time, talking to your GP or someone you trust can help too.
Common questions
Why do I feel like a child around my boss?
Your mind often learns how to react to authority early in life. When someone in charge speaks to you, that old reaction can switch on before your adult thinking catches up. The good news is that reactions which were learned can change.
Is a fear of authority the same as social anxiety?
They often go together, but not always. Some people are relaxed with friends and strangers and only struggle with bosses, officials or the police.
Why do I feel guilty around the police when I have done nothing wrong?
Many people do. A police officer is a strong signal of being watched and judged, and an anxious mind fills the gap with guilt. Knowing this is common can take some of the sting out of it.
How do sessions work?
I use hypnotherapy and NLP to change how your mind responds to this fear. Sessions are one to one over Zoom, and you get a recording of the hypnosis to listen to afterwards.
How many sessions will I need?
Many clients notice a real difference after one 90 minute session. If the fear goes back a long way, three sessions gives us room to make the change stick.
Further reading: NHS: Social anxiety · NHS: Phobias
Ready to start?
A short call is the simplest next step. We’ll talk about your fear, what you’d like to feel instead, and whether I’m the right person to help.
- Take the free test at the top of this page to see how strong your fear is.
- Book a 30 minute call. Use code PHOBIA at checkout for half price: £24.50 instead of £49 ($29.50 outside the UK).
- Start your sessions over Zoom from wherever you live, or face to face in Hertfordshire.
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